It has been my experience that most people take for granted that a relationship between adult parent and adult child “should be” one of love and forgiveness. Sometimes, however, “detaching” is the best, healthiest, most “mature” path for a person who grew up without the “normal” love and support that an adult relationship requires as a predicate. There are people who are not good parents. For those who grew up in a loving and nurturing home imagining anything else can be nearly impossible. But every day, if we are honest, we see the legacies of failed parenting all around us.

There are people that, deliberately or not, actively damage their children. There are children who have been “broken”. It can take years and decades for these people to recover as adults from this fundamental, foundational failure and put together their own life. Further, “forgiving” someone is an internal process and does not (and often cannot) require engagement with that person.

Seeking forgiveness and making amends does require engagement, but that in no way requires that the harmed person participate in the process.