Month: August 2018

  • You were my first better option.

    I’m trying to give myself a real fresh start, you know? I want to start living in the actual city where my mailing address is!

    It’s sad that things change, especially w Tony, but my new life will be great.

    I reconnected with a couple old college friends in the district and have been spending a lot of time with them. I’m actually developing a new circle of friends that is not only close, but is also convenient to see. I just don’t want to be directing my energy to faraway people that aren’t meeting me halfway. I have options now, and I’m choosing the better ones!

    Long distance friendships take a lot of intention and energy that I can’t do alone anymore, you know?

    I won’t spend too much time on it — but one person I’ve been hanging with is my ex-bf. When I told him about my story of the people with the baseball bat in Frederick, his response was to tell me his own story about people w baseball bats in Frederick.

    It really helps having someone who truly understands what it was like. It’s less isolating now.

    You and I had a whole lot of fun together at the same time you would listen to me go on and on about some heavy-duty heartache. You’re working now and have a new boyfriend, and I’m about to move, start a job and do grad school.

    You did a lot for me last year, and I’ll always be grateful for that. Now that I’m growing my community here, I want to have focus the burden of my hard stuff on my newer friendships. I want to keep yours and my friendship lighter and full of adventures. Right now, Kevin and I just need dinner party guests and someone who will go with us to gay bars and strip clubs.

    You were my first better option, Cam, and it changed everything.

    ❤️

  • Talked to by the Boss Again

    Hi, Rene,

    I wanted to apologize for today’s distraction toward the end of the day, as I know you’ve had to talk to me several times recently.

    I felt it best to let you know the nature of my crisis this summer — among other things, I have been wrestling with PTSD from a past violent assault.

    Today was a day where my mind started floating elsewhere because of my condition being aggravated by complications in my upcoming move, which I emailed you about earlier.  My husband and I are getting our bearings on the move again, and I just wanted to let you know I am definitely trying to improve in the area of concentration.

    I hope this was not an overshare, but I thought it a good idea to let you know so as to prevent your interpretation of my recent wandering attention as my being disinterested or uncaring.

    I appreciate your feedback and you’re getting me on track when you notice, and I thank you for your patience.

    All my best,

    Tim

  • The Protected and Heavily Curated Lists

    My Lifetime Family Tree:
    
~The Protected and Heavily Curated List~

    Listed in order of people with the largest witness to my life, longest to shortest.
    (or conversely, the people whose lives I’ve witnessed the most myself),

    Kevin Paul
    Sue Kuhn
    Becca Asaki / Kyle Dowley
    Hannah Cann / Brent
    Liz Bowen / Will Glovinski / Rose
    Abby Brackins / Clarence Harlan-Ors
Kevin Grolton / Nathaniel Francisco
    Liz Collins / Ron Collins
    Morgan Wright / Simeon
    Steph Law / Mauricio Quito / Kaya
    Luke Huffman / Michele Huffman
    Claire Jamieson / Dominick Morris
    Jim Khoury / Surin
    Guisane Humeau
    Julian Lamphear
    Claire Fultz / Dominic John
    Adrian White / Claudi Valenti
    Oni Olanreley / Justin Fair
    Eboni Brown-Drew
    Stacey Goodlett
    Johanna Galat / Harriet Moon
    Emily Saari / Barrett Emerick
    Caroline Selle / Darryl
    Cricket Reichenberger
    Freddie Ballentine
    Jeffry Stevenson / Gregory Bailey

    *My family is a country,
    and you are all the citizens
    I keep within its borders.*

    DC Family
    Kevin Paul
    Morgan Wright
    Steph Law
    Kevin Grolton
    Jim Khoury
    Liz Collins

    DC Friends
    Anita Gola
    Joe Bentley
    Melissa Dockman
    Lawrence Kao
    Nietzsche
    Emily Saari
    Andrew Bergmanson
    Randhal Tabb
    Andi Zyka
    Nikolai
    Adam Bartholomew
    Laura Betz
    Lee Hearn
    Sophia Kean
    Didier Course
    Eliane Larduinat
    Cameron Noel

  • Shining Gold With Hope and Happiness

    Kevin, my ex, was roommates with Marco — a good friend of the boyfriend of my old college friend Steph. Both of those friendships were rekindled and incredibly deepened through correspondences from the journal project. Both of them are soon-to-be neighbors after KP and I move.

    It’ll be the first time I’ll have a convenient and intimate community nearby, and already it is making a huge difference. I feel like myself for the first time ever.

    During my interview for the tech writer job, one of the key questions was about my wordpress experience. I smiled before clearing my throat to answer.

    In so many ways, that difficult project transformed my life for the better. I could not have done it without both you and Jeff. I would not have been able to look pain so directly in the face if you were not by my side.

    I will always be working to heal the pain I caused you guys with my paranoia, but I’m so grateful for you being the audience I needed for that difficult writing exercise.

    I’m just happy to know you’re both already weaved in tightly to my days to come, days that are already shining gold with hope and happiness 😀.

  • HOROSCOPE: It’s your harvest season.

    August 26th   

    4:46 AM PT – Full Moon at 3° of Pisces

    The full moon in Pisces can be used as a ritual bath. A rinsing off of the residue. A cleansing of the pallet from the massive meals that Eclipse Season offered up.

    This is the first lunation that is clear of the shadows that the eclipses of July and August cast. The first full moon free from obstruction. The first lunation in a while that is supportive in its nature. Sextile both Saturn and Uranus, the full moon bridges good building skills with innovative initiatives.

    Full of sensitivity and imagination, the full moon focuses on our healing. As the psychic waters of Pisces point us towards our intuitive understanding of what we need to mend our broken hearts, the sun in Virgo tells us exactly how to apply the salve. Our pain can be, at times, all consuming, but understanding its details can make all the difference. 

    Affirmations for this full moon:

    I am in this pain, but not of it. I am experiencing this pain, but I am more than it. I am aware of this pain, and know that this iteration of it is temporary. This is a part of my story, a key to the chapters of my life, and there is still more to tell, more to come, and more to experience.

    Venus in Libra square Pluto in Capricorn, both at 18°

    This aspect deepens the day’s messages as much gets unpacked in regards to relationship dynamics that push our buttons. Working through the power issues that plague us is a top priority.

    When we feel disempowered in a dynamic it’s a cue to meditate on where and when we gave up our power, and where and how we can take it back.

    Clarifying what needs to be purged from our relationship dynamics, and offering a transformative alternative to work with, Venus square Pluto can be a little harsh in its tactics, obsessive in its nature, and demanding in its ways. Go easy on yourself and others. Full moons magnify whatever is happening, making mountains out of molehills and examples out of our reactions to whatever is happening.

    Horoscope for Gemini 

    The professional projects that you have been working hard to accomplish, get a signal boost from August’s full moon.

    It’s time to let your career goals shine.

    Give them encouragement by building a space for them to exist. Give them a chance by taking the actions that demonstrate your unwavering faith in them. Give them hope by declaring their absolute inevitability.

    At this stage in the game you have a clearer understanding of what is a professional imperative if you are to deliver upon your promises to yourself and everyone else.

    A mature approach to what you are working on will never let you or your colleagues down.

    Since the spring you’ve been made increasingly aware of how important it is, for both your personal and professional life, to process the feelings that are coming to consciousness for you. Anything that had to formerly be a secret, or was kept from you for whatever reason, is now coming to light. As it does you get to put more pieces of your own puzzle together. Incredible insights into the behaviors which have previously gotten in your own way reveal themselves. As you keep uncovering these hidden gems, you are also uncovering your agency to work consciously with them.

    This is your key to experiencing more worldly success, but also more internal joy.

    As Mars, and then Saturn, station direct over the end of August and beginning of September, you are reminded that how you collaborate is just as important as who you collaborate with. You’ve had a couple of months to review the potentials of your partnerships and it’s now obvious which are able to provide what you need and receive what you have to give.

    Knowing your worth is everything in regards to this equation.

    The more supported you feel, the more you’ll flourish. The more others are willing to work on their own part of the puzzle, the more you can have faith that your energy and efforts are getting put to good use. The more you are in partnerships with those that you can trust will do the work they need to, the more you’ll be inspired, encouraged, and reminded to do your own. 

    Horoscope for Leo Rising

    August’s full moon rewards the collaborations in your life that have been worth the work and the wait. The investments that are starting to pay back dividends. The partnerships that bear fruit now, do so sweetly.

    It’s your harvest season.

    Pay attention to what is working. Which of your crops can, and do, produce in cycles that are sustainable? Take note of who you work well with. Who knows how to take the risks that might bring up your fear but that still fill you with excitement. Take care of those who want your success as much as their own.

    Take note of those who don’t. Can’t. Won’t.

    It’s healthy to lose interest in the partnerships that run your wells dry. It’s growth to no longer need validation from those that can’t give it. It’s a beautiful thing to get to direct your energy towards what you want and away from what you don’t.

    As Mars, and then Saturn, station direct over the end of August and beginning of September, you get released from some of the issues that have been hard to digest at work, in your work, or in regards to who you are working with. You have a tremendous amount of determination at your disposal right now, but it is mixed with the need for a pause here and there. Make sure that you mark moments on your calendar for rest and rejuvenation. Some of your best work will be done far and away from the office, desk, and screen.

     

    ****

    Horoscope Provided by Chani Nicholas
    https://chaninicholas.com/2018/08/horoscopes-full-moon-pisces-2018/