I heard this interview for the second time this weekend, and I had this mindblowing epiphany about male disclosure on shame and vulnerability — that, though men hear the rhetoric of being more open and vulberable, the data show wives, girlfriends and male friends aren’t able to honestly stomach it when they bring out the deep, deep traumas and shames.
For me, there’s a line she makes about the fact that Once a man discloses intense emotions, regardless of what those feelings are, the relationship is permanently changed afterward.

It made me realize, for my male friends over these last years at least, that once I spoke the emotional truth of my familial traumas and homophobic violence I survived in Harford County, it was the beginning of the end. Male-to-Male emotional exchange is flat out dangerous if there isn’t intermediary structures in place to slow things done, to pad the landing, to hide in on my own terms when I want to take a break.

Brene Brown has become a bit of a pop social work PhD Lcturer who applies sound scientific research methods on shame and empathy in both men and women. She had super transformative Ted Talk on Vulnerability that I recommend to.

The whole interview is amazing but the part I’m specifically asking you to listen to starts at 19:34 to 25:44: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgmJinwZDgw