I told Chris about dad’s total resistance to my going to grad school. He asked follow up questions. And I said, I think it boils down to the fact that the supervisor he had when he was laid off as my age with a masters degree. His work was his whole life. When he lost that, he was emasculated. He didn’t know how to find any worth. So he shut down.

We talked about how power is literally the ability to say no for whatever reason you want or no reason at all. Chris described how dad continually plays the victim to shut down everyone’s plans. By claiming he is old and disabled, we can’t argue. We lose by default and have to cater to his “needs”.

He told me he gaslights mom about being poor, when it was his decisions that dictate their monetary obligations. He makes mom works longer hours so she’s continually working overtime to assuage his fears about Not being wealthy.

Chris told me that when they were first married, mom hated Dad. She confided to him that it took her over seven years to start loving him.

I told Chris that my therapist keeps pushing me to recommend therapy to mom. That it would help intervene in the cycle of dad gaslighting her about money. Chris told me that there have been periods where she went to therapy routinely.

The time he most remembers were when uncle Caesar was getting married. Nonna was being impossible and Mom didn’t have any support.

Chris seemed very emotionally grounded these days. He said for the first half the year he was meditating for about 20 to 30 minutes every morning. He and Molly both still maintain an active workout regimen several times a week. He stopped drinking completely. His Major vice is dessert food.

My family is gelling into a new form. I think everyone is pretty clear about dad being dead weight. And inclusion is a more active effort. I had a great time during my brothers visit. I love him very much.