It’s hard to make friends as an adult, because to reach out to a stranger in any real way is to willingly put oneself in a vulnerable posturing.

And, In a capitalist framework, to be seen as vulnerable is to be viewed as weak.

Philosopher David Whyte once wrote, “To be seen means you can touched, and if you can be touched, you can be hurt.”

I think men are afraid to be truly visible, because they, we, sense the danger in that.

But I believe that’s what we must do, as the holder of any privilege in America —

Because the danger of being visible is so much higher for the people in the caste below whichever minority statuses we hold.

I think we with privilege must be visible and learn to hold the pain that comes with that alone, so it doesn’t flow to the communities who can’t absorb any more hurting.

I always remind myself when going out on a limb to a stranger that I have kept and maintained lifelong friends.

Rejection from an acquaintance is nothing compared to even having one friend capable of a group thread like we’re having right now, let alone three friends!

Rejection is not a matter of success or failure, but whether two jigsaw pieces fit together!

Oh, these two don’t? NBD!

Because I’m playing in a 1000-piece puzzle set

🧩 😎 🧩

I guess one last think I might add, which I still can’t quite visualize into being…

It’s incumbent on us to be visible, and to also that visibility protect the ones we love.

I’ve seen so clearly times when I make the same demands my female friends have made, but mine are the only ones granted.

Men are able to lay boundaries which aren’t to be crossed; we are able to create borders.

I intend to use mine to create a space where women are safe, where women lead and I follow.