I agree w you —

Women aren’t carte-blanch safety (e.g. Julia Friedrich, Ana Jantz, etc). But, long-term, I think if a relationship is to provide safety (defined as support without ulterior motives) it most likely will be women.

Dosage is super important. My case was pretty extreme, so it probably shouldn’t be the standard.

I had more need than supply.

I’m just struck that out of all my close male friends, none were able to pivot the dynamic of the relationship to accommodate my getting better and having more agency.

Cameron ceded all control to his new bf.

Jeff and Tony ceded all control to Greg.

But, like, Liz and Becca, aside from doing labor from far away, were able to adjust to a recovered Tim without my fighting for it.

I think it’s a self-awareness issue for men. If I wasn’t a piddling vulnerable creature anymore, they would have to change how they treated me, which means they would have to change how they viewed themselves.

There’s just a flexibility in female identity that more allows “becoming” vs staying in a bad status quo.