Exposed emotional vulnerability is a pillar of kindness. It is evidence of trust; a reference-point people can use for what’s real in a world of fake news; an invitation for people to think through their own similar fears and insecurities, too.
But exposed vulnerability is also labor, because it must be developed, tracked, monitored, protected.
That labor looks like check-in phone calls, dinner invitations, happy hours, remembering a person when they are not in the room — the stuff of life that makes life worth living and keeps a community together. A colonial identity doesn’t have to do any of that, because we do it for them.
Of course, we all benefit from our associations, but there are costs, and they are borne by the minority identities underneath each of us.
I am only gay when standing next to a straight man, after all. And I’m only a man when next to my female and non-binary friends. White when standing next to my friends of color.
Colonial identities can’t function without your labor. Structurally, they are the reasons we are vulnerable. Whether they know it or not, they need our labor to operate in their daily life, to simply survive.
But the good news is this — no matter what they tell you, they are incapable of what we do for them.
That is my power.
That is your power.
That is our power.
Don’t let them fool you (and they will try to). They need us more than we need them.
#Lent #MaleTraitor #InvisibleLaborRedirection #AcceptOnlyReciprocity
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