David Whyte describes how all real human relationship needs to exist on “An Axis of Vulnerability.” If one person in the conversation isn’t speaking from a place of vulnerability, then you’re only talking about the weather.
The one thing you must understand is that women are the only safe holders for a man’s vulnerability. That is the truest fact of daily male life. More often than not, men view vulnerability as weakness, completely unaware that we are all vulnerable beings from the moment we’re born til the moment we die. Some people are just able to put words to it.
Spoken vulnerability is a beautiful thing, when received with care and is mutually exchanged. An open display of vulnerability is an invitation for reciprocity, and maybe it’s the only way to initiate emotional sharing.
The male incapacity to be vulnerable means that the women in their lives are expected to do that labor of shared vulnerability. Women will show theirs so a man feels comfortable sharing his. I’ve so rarely seen that exchange start the other way around.
What happens, though, when one person holds their cards close after another person opens up?
Gaslighting.
Unilateral emotional vulnerability oftentimes leads to exploitation. Especially when men are unable to see a difference between weakness and vulnerability.
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