Hey guys,

The only explanation I have for my histrionics is that I am still grappling with my four months of isolation this summer. It’s been a really hard pill to swallow that I lost an entire season sitting so empty-handed in that awful suburb.

Of course, you did everything we asked for and more, and I am very grateful.

This summer wasn’t Tony’s fault. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t Kevin’s. Not my old neighbor. Nor my parents’. I just have to chalk it up to an aggregation of a million forces I’ll never understand and move on from this period of “Why did all of that happen to me?”

The answer to the question I keep dwelling on is quite simple, I guess, but is the one I’ve been avoiding for months now. When my parents moved away from Jarrettsville, I no longer had the mandate to drive through Baltimore all the time on my way to see them. When that happened, none of my friendships in Baltimore, outside of yours, pivoted to accommodate that.

No one really even missed me.
I thought they would, which really just hurts a lot.

You’re right.

Kevin, too, has told me that I’m pointing my fingers accusatorially without taking any ownership for my role in the dissolution of my friendship w Tony. I haven’t been the easiest person to be friends with this year, after all.

I made choices this summer, this year, and I am starting to see that.

The only things I can fix now are the expectations I hold of others and the choices I make going forward.

I need some distance from my experience of severe isolation. I just think back to the weeks without human contact, and I get scared. It will still be a little time yet before I can approach this conversation rationally, independent from these cascading waves of emotion and fear.

Hope y’all have a good weekend!
Tim