I’m sorry, old friend.

Your husband and his friends tortured me in high school, and I had no choice to be their friend lest I became their target. They hated f*ggots so much. They would isolate people in our school and neighbor hood, identify them as queer (regardless of if they were) and publicly brainstorm all the ways they would want to physically rip them apart. Five years straight of being among that that led me to think the I deserved the ways they threatened gay people so casually in conversation.

I personally accepted that treatment cart blanch for myself – from strangers and loved ones – for the rest of my life.

I was almost lynched by four people with a baseball bat in Frederick, and as I revisited that, I learned why I thought that was normal.

Thanks for understanding.

You did nothing wrong — you were one of my first safe spaces.

I will always love you.

But if I am to stop thinking myself a f*ggot, I need to not be around the people that taught me I am one.

Take care,
TK