Hey Gwen,

I felt like thinks ended kind of abruptly last night when I left, and I just wanted to check in. The most important thing I wanted to say is that I had a really great time hanging out with you, and I value our relationship a whole lot. I don’t want that incident to jeopardize what cool things that could come of our friendship now that we’re in a new city (and on the same schedule!!).

My being gay is a really sensitive topic for me, as it was the cause of a lot of personal trauma throughout my life. That is why I reacted so much to the conversation. While it seems innocuous enough for straight people to discuss casually at a bar, doing so elides over the fact that it’s still a violent reality to have to live in.

Harford County did a huge number on me, I’m afraid.

I just wanted to let you know how I felt and that I want things to be good between us. I think we could find our way into some really grand adventures together, and I would hate to put the brakes on it before we even start.

Thanks for the great night, lady 🙂

TK

****

I had to leave the bar early. After going to see a concert with an old high school friend who lived in the city, we went out for a drink, where and she invited her boyfriend, another alumni of my high school. Knowing we were on the cusp of marriage, her boyfriend kept insisting we talk about it, only referring to it as my getting gay-married. His veiled rhetoric and opinions on my wedding day escalated, ultimately ending with him trying to convince his friends that gay people should be grateful, because they’re not black people.

I told him to fuck off — that he is neither gay nor black, so he is entitled to an opinion on neither — and stormed out.

This is the email I sent.

Her response did not acknowledge what happened.

We never talked again.

I heard he proposed to her the night of Trump’s election.

She accepted.